I decided to become a counselor when I was 24. It took a few years to get going, and a few more to get qualified and then 2 more to get fully licensed. Now at 35, here is what I know about therapy.

When I was younger I watched a lot of movies and TV shows that had therapists in them. Surprisingly I never once thought “yip, I want to do that”. On the contrary, I thought that therapy looked like the most invasive and scary thing I had ever seen. An older white man wearing glasses in an office where the only thing bigger than the leather couch and mahogany desk is the therapist’s ego. Every question accompanied by a knowing *look. Every answer followed by a pause, a sigh, or an eye-roll. And then the one defining moment where the therapist says something profound and the client cries and all is well in the world. We all cried during the “it’s not your fault” scene in Good Will Hunting. If you haven’t seen it, Google the scene. It really is a beautiful moment.

Now, I am not saying that this doesn’t happen in therapy. No one loves a defining breakthrough more than a therapist. But *most of the time the journey to a breakthrough in actual therapy doesn’t quite look like the movie version. Below is a list of things you can expect from therapy that the movies don’t always get right.

1. Boundaries: Boundaries are one of the most important parts of therapy. Counselors are trained to maintain healthy boundaries with their clients, and clients are encouraged to create healthy boundaries in their lives. Your counselor is not your friend, your parent, your sibling, or your boss. Your counselor is your equal, your support, your encourager, your mirror. (Side note: is “your” looking like a weird word to anyone else? Just me? Cool)
2. The “expert” in the room: Many movies make it appear as though the therapist is the all-knowing genius in the room. The training to work in mental health is rigorous, but the expert in the room is always the client. You (the client) are the main character in your life story. You experience the feelings, think the thoughts, and live the journey. Yes, your counselor will (most likely) share their hunches with you, connect seemingly unconnected parts of your story, and sometimes push when we feel that there may be more, but you are the expert in the room.
3. In all seriousness: It seems like most of the TV therapists are seriously lacking in sense of humor. In my therapy room, laughter is encouraged. Not every session is a deep dive into your past pain, or a deeply emotional breakthrough moment. Although those may happen, therapy can also be fun. I love a good joke, and laughter, as they say, can sometimes be the best medicine.
4. It is up to you: It seems to me that therapeutic interventions are sometimes painted as something to be forced onto the client. I can’t speak for all counselors, but in my room the client is in charge. I may confront when I sense resistance, I may push a little more when I have a hunch that something wants to be said, but how much you share and do is up to you. An important part of therapy is autonomy. You are the boss of you, and you are in charge of how fast/slow/deep you want to go in your sessions.

As always, this is based on my own opinion from my own experiences. It is not advice or guidance and should not be seen as a reflection of anyone’s thoughts or feelings but my own. Take what is useful for you and leave the rest here.

Thank you for reading this far. Chat soon